The Best Mes

Alex The Emcee

[Chorus]
I am the best mess, man
Even if I’ve gone mental
I’ll roast you like a red tan
You’ll shit yourself like a bedpan
Whatever it was I said can
Just make your friend and
You say, ‘I can’t comprehend that
That motherfucker just said that’

[Verse 1]
I don’t swipe styles or bite rhymes
I write lines I like fine
Biters get copyright fines, that’s mine
Or stay in a box in a plot for all time
I am ice cold and too hot to hold
My fire will scorch those who might go try to mic control
I know they’re too boastful
You should be grateful to get a taste of what I made up
I’m the greatest but
My saying “made up,” you say it ain’t what it claims to be, but it’s true, straight up
You’re now rocking with the… um
You just cannot rock
You needs tons of gravel to stand up in my socks
The Grand Canyon’s not gargantuan enough

[Verse 2]
-Has that impatient inpatient been waiting?
+No, I just gave him his medication
-He needs to see a psychiatrist, after all he is a mental patient
+What is this metal casement? It’s attached inside his pant legging
-Why didn’t you alert me? He could be an insurgent in Iraq’s insurgency or something, I’m worried and nervous that he’ll pull a bomb out of his shoe heel, and kill you and murder me
+Hello, hospital security? Please come with help in a hurry, there’s an emergency in room 203
-Good, I just put him to sleep

[Verse 3]
Got a problem with me, open your damn mouth
Or get gobbled by me, ya see my fangs now?
I’ll Virginia Tech Massacre you with a strap in your classroom at school
You’re not understanding a damn thing about what Alex had to endure
You ask for the truth but can’t handle the truth
You fools have to nab it or you’ll throw a dang tantrum like you’re two
Not just a tantrum but two
Yeah dude, we all had ‘em, it’s true
But actually too it’s factual you throw ‘em like Sabathia threw
I may or may not disappoint my listener
But I really did not point my finger
I didn’t say names or the boy’s initials

[Chorus]
I am the best mess, man
Even if I’ve gone mental
I’ll roast you like a red tan
You’ll shit yourself like a bedpan
Whatever it was I said can
Just make your friend and
You say, ‘I can’t comprehend that
That motherfucker just said that’

Alex
A-l-e-x, K-l-a-s-h