Alpha

Pilotless Drone

Open up both eyes now.
A mirror cannot kill.
Your fight is on the inside, not with this reflection here.
And if I were another, would you see my like I do?
These eyes show me everything from insects to the milky way.

Promise me perfection.
I’ve an artificial need to compare myself to others, destroying everything.

I’ll never share this stage with you.
I’ll just repeat myself until it sounds like I’m not lying.
This lack of true success finds me here inventing stories of a golden age, when I was happy.

Paint me a picture- (but without the detail)
Of who I could be. (unattainable)
Paint something pretty- (a mask without the defects)
Then I could love me. (if I could ever love me)

I don’t know where things went wrong.
Can’t you see what’s going on?
I’ve set a standard and now I just can’t live up to it.
Where is there that I can do?
It takes more than me and your.
Or so I tell myself as I turn off the lights.

It’s hard to break old habits, to take control.
The momentum of a lifetime is difficult to slow.
Knowing there’s a problem doesn’t change things,
It just makes them feel familiar.
Over and again…