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Dedicated to the world of religions.

I am an agnostic. How would I know anything of the possible gods or potential afterlives while I am in here on this earthly plane?

But. I enjoy these religions:

Number One. Jainism. I was surprised to discover that my aversion to harming animals and plants had a name, ahimsa. Aversions can be good things.

But. I will eat an animal if another person prepares it for me; that’s a gift, and it’s rude to reject a gift. Or if I have to eat with acquaintances in a restaurant in eastern Montana or western North Dakota, where everything is a cow. That’s just politeness, a good religion to follow.

But. At home, no onion no garlic all the way.

I know absolutely nothing about the rest of Jainism.

II. The Universal Life Church. We’re all Ministers, even you. So don’t let anyone else minister you.

C. Discordianism. We’re all Popes. Even you. Especially you. I’ll treat you right. Please treat me right as well.

Also:

The ones in which you have conversations with animals and plants. Which I do.

The ones in which you count to four for everything you do. Brush this side of your teeth four times for four times, move on. Endless counting to four on long walks. Which I do.

The ones where you masturbate too much. My psychiatrist told me that eleven times a day is too much. Hell lady, I’m 62 years old. I’m amazed by two. So I’m on the fence about this, probably getting splinters in my dick.