Negatives

Nick Torres

You say “We look happy here”
Pointing at a picture frame
My arm around your shoulder
all this happiness, never any pain
Your mom pinned it on the fridge
Called it “perfect finally”
But no one saw you later
yelling “This is killing me”

Behind the photograph
are the negatives we keep
the black and white you never see
the fights, the nights you couldn’t sleep
Everybody loves the way
That we’re shining
Clean and clear
But the picture is never as it appears

We practiced all our angles
You practiced how to breathe
Holding in the shaking and the anger
Till the shutter set you free
They’ll double-tap the image
full of love and fear and hate
Sometimes making up the picture
Is more than you can take

Behind the photograph
are the negatives we keep
the black and white you never see
the fights, the nights you couldn’t sleep
Everybody loves the way
That we’re shining
Clean and clear
But the picture is never as it appears

What if we stop standing still?
Let the blur say how it feels
Eyes red, Sky grey
for once the colors are real
Let the picture show the tears
Why’s the image hide the pain?
I’m so tired of posing through the fear
Posing through the fear

Behind the photograph
are the negatives we keep
the black and white you never see
the fights, the nights you couldn’t sleep
Everybody loves the way
That we’re shining
Clean and clear
But the picture is never as it appears