denial of rest

track 2 from the album “Une Histoire de DMs avec Bleu” — more info: https://saltbearer.dreamwidth.org/2992.html + https://soingmachine.bandcamp.com/album/une-histoire-de-dms-avec-bleu

the day prior to making this, my friend, who (usually “also”) struggles with giving action to artistic impulses (to say the least), suggested they ought to be pressured into it. semi-trickily, I later asked:

“what does it feel like if I ask you to download and open SunVox real quick to check something, because I seem to be having a minor technical problem?”

sadly, as soon as it was clear that I only hoped they’d start having fun once they had an instrument at their fingertips, they recoiled, and said “I wish I could cry” about the impulse to do so. we continued to discuss creative struggles for a while afterward, which I then spent the rest of the day thinking about and continuing to discuss with others…

I woke up with stomach pain after only three hours of sleep, and saw that they were also up early. we both regularly also struggle with getting decent rest, which is mutually Just The Usual Burden To Bear but simultaneously Oh No Bad if someone else has to be the one to bear it.

I sent:

“awake at the wrong hour thinking of twinkly piano with muted keystroke impacts fluttering binaurally through a deep pad chord with Tim Follin Ecco the Dolphin vibes” [I meant one very specific sort of thing by that last part okay]

they said they’d sobbed to music the night before, and felt better for it, and had awoken early feeling more rested than ever. I was glad, on both counts. we chatted a bit, and listened to Boomerang’s “BOO000”, just as you will as soon as your own ears have room for it.

I chose to trigger my own anxiety, and did not go back to sleep, because it’s impossible to do that regardless. they managed to do the impossible, but woke up with a headache this time. failing to reach through time and space to manually soothe each nerve individually, I made These Vibes for them instead, based on where my mind went after waking up. then we talked about art software.