Pony Burger or "Goodbye Old Paint"

Robert Palomo

I’d been following the Euro horsemeat scandal since it broke in the UK some time ago. But the songwriter in me didn’t react until Ikea found pony in their Swedish meatballs the other day.

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** THE PONY BURGER SONG CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE **

Well I’m tired of your typical burger
I want something different now
Don’t want the same old lips and a$$holes
Processed from your average cow
I’m tired of the Whopper
And Mickey D’s
Can’t I just have somethin’
Original please
In Europe a scandal been a-brewin’
Since they found it’s Ponies they all been chewin’

Well fry me up a Pony Burger
At last there’s a sandwich that’s new
Gimme onions and tomaters
And some French Fried potaters
And a slice of dill pickle or two
Yeah grill me up a Pony Burger
Mounted on a fresh sesame bun
I’ll chow it right down
Ridin’ westward outta town
Off into the setting sun

Some scumbags down the corporate food chain
Been messin’ ‘round with ol’ Paint
Passin’ him off as a steer or a hawg
When in actual fact he ain’t
They done heisted lotsa money
While the marshall was snoozin
Now in Swedish meatballs
It’s Pony they’re usin’
While the bandits are headed for the border
I’m stepping up to the counter to order

Well I’ve bid good-bye to good Ol’ Paint
Most folks cuppa tea he definitely ain’t
I don’t why they all
Turn squeamish an’ green
Cuz good ol’ Paint he’s some good protein
Now plenty of folks
Got egg on their face
They thought they were runnin’
In a different horse race
In a globalized world run by corporate greed
A brewski and a Pony Burger’s just what we need