Have a Shitty Christmas

Keith Landry

Written for Mick’s RPM Holiday Challenge…
Anyone who’s experienced “Black Friday” against their will should find this entertaining.

YOU MIGHT HAVE A SHITTY CHRISTMAS

Waking up at 3:00 a.m.
Why the hell did I try to sleep at all
Here in line to race into a toy-filled mayhem
I hope this doesn’t lead to murder at the mall

Well, for one, I can’t stand crowds
So many assholes in one place
And the biggest of ‘em get so loud
I feel the urge to punch one in the face

You might have a shitty Christmas
If you find yourself in my way
I am usually a peaceful man
But not today

Whose idea was this anyway
I’m still all gassed up on tryptophan
“How often do you get to sleep in on a Friday?”
I say out loud as we load up in the van

So I’ll do my best to look like I don’t mind
We’ll use the same plan as we did before
You race for the stuff, and I’ll get in the checkout line
The moment we set foot in the fucking store

You might have a shitty Christmas
If you find yourself in my way
I am usually a peaceful man
But not today

I’m gonna find it hard to turn the other cheek
And try to keep in mind just what the season’s all about
So if you cross my path today, please think before you speak
Or I might start to feel the urge to try to knock you out

You might have a shitty Christmas
If you find yourself in my way
I am usually a peaceful man
But not today

You might have a shitty Christmas
If you find yourself in my way
I am usually a peaceful man
But not today

But not today